Depression Marathon: Fortune at the End of the Road

Depression Marathon: Fortune at the End of the Road



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Finding my path

Finding My Path

Feeling a little lost

I spent the last three years struggling to find myself again only to discover the "me" I was searching for doesn't exist anymore.  I'm different and my life is different. I don't know this new woman or her life. She doesn't have a career,  like I did. She doesn't have kids at home, like I did. We have the same husband,  but not the same relationship.  I'm so lost. 

I thought this would be an exciting time. That anything was possible.  I'm supposed to be on a new journey of discovery.  That's what I told others and I still believe that. However,  I didn't expect to feel so lost. I'm not excited. The truth is I'm scared.  I don't know where to go from here.  Have I somehow lost the path?  If so, how do I get back on? 

I know that God has a plan for me, and I need to just keep living one day at a time. Live in the present.  

The Medication Dance

The Medication Dance

If you have been living with Clinical Depression for a while,  you have probably done the medication dance.   You start feeling good and you start thinking you don't need your antidepressant.  You start to think you can do it without medication. If you look back through my blog, you will see that I did the medication dance a couple of times over the years.   You think we would learn after the crash and burn that lands us back on medication.  

I finally have come to terms with the fact that I have a disease and I will have to take medications for it for the rest of my life. 

Clinical depression is not something that will go away. It's also not something you can control without medication. You might be okay for a while but it will come

back.  Trying to struggle with depression without medication is crazy. There are new antidepressants with very few if any side affects.  If you had diabetes, you would take insulin.   You have Clinical Depression,  you need antidepressants. 

So, I stopped the medication dance. I accept the fact that I have a disease and I will do whatever it takes to enjoy life. 

Don't Get Lost in Depression

Don't Get Lost In Depression

I was in a pretty bad depression that lasted for over a year. When I made it out, my fears were:  

• Would it come back?
• How long would it last if it did come back?  
• What could I do to stop it from coming back?

I'm sure that I was not alone in my fears. Anyone who has experienced a long depression, knows those fears. 

Well, the first two questions have no answers. There is know way to know. That is a scary feeling. It is also something that you need to get out of your head. I mean really don't think about it.

Something to can think about is the third question.  What do I do if it comes back?  The answer is, you fight. You now have an advantage. You know it lies.  You know that it will end.  

When you feel it coming on,  you start fighting. Don't let it get a chance to suck you in.  Get out of the house and visit friends. Start doing things you enjoy. Try not to be alone.  Other things that help are:

• Remember depression lies to you. You can choose how to feel
• Journal your bad feelings and then write down the reasons that they are not true
• Keep a list of all the blessings in your life.
• Set a goal such as running or loosing weight, etc. and put your all into doing it

The longer you stay in bed and let the depression hold on, the harder it will be to fight your way back. I gave into it for a long time.  When I stopped letting it control me, I started getting better.  There are days when I want to crawl back into my depression.  I might give myself they day off, but then I have to fight back or it will suck me back.  

Depression is a disease of the mind. You will always have to be aware that it can strike. Stay on your medication. If you feel yourself getting depressed, talk to a therapist if you need to. Get rid of stress.  Just remember that you have the ability to decide how you want to feel.   Don't let depression lie to you.