Still no meds and holding steady

Still no meds and holding steady

I am still medication free.  So far no side effects.  The depression is not any better but it is also not any worse.  I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop still.  I am still not getting out much.  Every morning I have good intentions of going and doing things but as of yet, I haven't really made any real good attempts. I have been a few places but not as many as I should.   I truly think now that I have gotten so used to staying in bed and covering up my head that it has become more of a habit.

I am not afraid of getting out now so why don't I?  That's the question I am working on right now.  Am I still in depression or am I being a coward and taking the easy way out.  Have I just got so used to living with depression that I don't know how to live without being depressed?  

Off all meds

Off all meds

Well I am now off all of my meds.  I have had some ups and downs but not any worse than I did when I was on the antidepressants.  I feel like I am thinking clearer.  I am still just taking it one day at a time.

I am hopeful that I will get my life back, but I also know that I am going to have to be the one to do it.  I'm still too scared to take that first step.  I have been telling myself for over a month now that I was going to start running, but there is something that just keeps me from going.

I am keeping me from living.  Why?