Understanding Suicide - For Those They Left Behind

Understanding Suicide - For Those They Left Behind

I have be trying write this blog for about 6 months. That's about how long it has been since my sweet friend had to bury her 17 year old son. He committed suicide right before Christmas, during his senior year in high school.

With the shocking news about Robin Williams suicide making news today, I decided I was ready.

Loosing a loved one is always hard, but when they are lost to suicide, it has to be so much harder.  The families are left with so many unknowns.

Hopefully I can help families dealing with suicide gain a little understanding.  I have some of the answers to the questions that are raised by suicide.

The first thing you need to know is that over 90% of people that commit suicide have a mental illness of Clinical Depression. Most have gone undiagnosed, and therefore, untreated. It is hard to get a diagnosis until It has become unmanageable.

I have struggled with Clinical Depression for years.  I know the hell and I know how suicide can feel like freedom, especially to someone who has not been diagnosed with this disease.

With depression,  you can't feel joy like other people. All you feel is sadness.  It doesn't matter how good your life is, you are unable to feel happiness.  The hardest part is that you know other people would not understand how you feel so you have to fake happiness. You pretend to enjoy life, but inside you just want it to stop.  Sleeping is the only reprieve you get from the misery.

I can understand how much harder it is for someone who hasn't been diagnosed.  They don't know why they feel the way they do. They have to believe that this is as good as life is ever going to be. That is a terrifying thought.

I take medication every day and always will.  I know life will get better. I still struggle, and suicide is always a thought in the back of my head. I want it there as a safety net just in case. That is how terrifying being depressed makes you.

It is disease. There is no cure. It can be managed but I doesn't go away.  When you loose someone you love to suicide, you wonder why.  Was there something you could have done?  The answer is no.   When life has finally become so unbearable that they have decided to use that safety net, they are done. Depression won.

Depression is a disease. It's unpredictable. Even with treatment, there are no guarantees.  Today I feel pretty good, but I will never know what will happen in the future. Even though I think now that I am stronger then depression and I would not commit suicide,  I'm also realistic enough to not say I NEVER would do it. The truth is there are no sure things when it comes to this disease.   I live one day at a time. That is the only way to mange it.

Your loved one did not commit suicide to hurt you or because of you.  They had a disease and that disease, just like any chronic illness, finally beat them.

It's time to bring awareness to Depression. People should not be ashamed to say they have it.  We are not ashamed to say we have cancer, Lupus, or any other chronic disease, so why can't we admit to having Clinical Depression.  It needs to be talked about.  I have lost many friends because they don't understand why I push away or decline invitations. This loss of friends and family make managing this disease harder.

If you want to stop suicide, bring Clinical Depression out of the dark.  Demand more research and better treatment.  Finding a cure is the only way to stop the tragic suffering and death from suicide.